Istanbul Diaries: Turkish Henna Night (Kina Gecesi)

With the end of Ramadan and the first major holiday following it, wedding season is upon us. This weekend, we have the pleasure of attending a Turkish “Henna Night,” which is the Turkish equivalent of a bridesmaids party and is usually held a couple of nights before the wedding. Soon we will gather together at a local wedding venue where many children, women, and the bride-to-be will be wearing red. The bride will be dressed in a red bindalli with a red veil covering her face, resembling a Sultan. She will be seated in a chair in the center of the room and I, along with the other women, will be holding a lit candle as we approach her.

When I first heard of this ceremony, all I knew was that there was henna and a sultan-like dress. Obviously, I was convinced that I needed a henna night, too. The main reason was because I wanted to wear that gorgeous dress and be adorned with gold and henna. Who wouldn’t want that? Many of my husbands’ family members also encouraged me to have my own henna night. What I later learned was that, in Turkish culture, Henna symbolizes sacrifice and devotion. Animals, soldiers, and new brides are marked with henna for this reason. I’m aware of how extreme this sounds, but bear with me and keep in mind that symbols (and old meanings) are what you make of them. 

History of Turkish Henna Night

Turkish Henna Night is an ancient tradition steeped in folklore and was a huge staple in the Ottoman Empire. Some even believe that the tradition goes all the way back to the prophet Mohammed when he put henna on his soldiers during the time of religious wars to symbolize devotion to God. Later, it turned into a bridal ceremony in which the henna symbolized the bride leaving her identity as a daughter in her mother’s house and becoming a wife. In the old days, when a woman married, she left her home and became a full member of her husband's family hence the identity transformation. She moved to his village and left her old role behind in complete love and devotion. These days, some regions also adorn the groom’s pinky finger with henna during the ceremony.

As you can imagine, this ritual is very intimate and has a very powerful symbolic meaning. Some compare it to rites of passage performed in some cultures for boys to become men, but this is debated. 

Nowadays, many of the rituals remain the same, but the meaning has changed. Much like the white wedding dress used to symbolize purity, now we wear white dresses without considering the old meaning important. On top of that, most people do not know the meaning behind many of the rituals and practice them simply because. Most of what I have learned about Turkish Henna night was from my own research because many people I asked gave very vague answers.

When is it held?

The Turkish Henna Night is held before the wedding mainly for the bride and the wedding itself is mainly for the groom. Traditionally, men did not really attend the henna night and the groom only participated for the Henna portion along with a dance. Nowadays, it often serves as a separate wedding event for the bride's side of the family, which is the case for the one we will be attending this weekend. The bride’s husband is from a different city, so the Henna night will be held in Istanbul for the bride's relatives and the wedding will be held in the groom's city. 

As it turns out, the event was not a Turkish Henna Night like my dear husband told me. It was an engagement party in the form of a wedding mainly for the bride. (This is also common). Nevertheless, since we’ve gotten this far, I’ll just tell you about my Turkish Henna night and how it went for me. Stay tuned next week for an article about Turkish weddings. 

PS You’ll have to bear with me on the pictures. Most people have androids so the pictures are not the best quality. 

The preparation

Before the Henna night, women prepare little fabric cloths with fake gold coins sewn around them so they make a slight rattling noise. My sister and law and I went out to get the other necessary items such as mini red veils for the other women, tealight candles, a silver tray, henna, a red veil, and lace-like gloves to put over the henna so it can dry. She has always been a tremendous help to me and has never lost patience, even before I spoke Turkish. She was also the one to help me pick out my wedding dress and make sure the price was appropriate. Luckily, the place I rented my wedding dress from included the Bindalli in the price so I didn’t have to go to a second dress shop and that was out of the way. 

Location

Henna nights can be held at the bride’s home if they have enough space or if they have a garden area. Most people in the city do not have enough space and so they typically rent a place which can be as simple as a room or as elaborate as a full-on wedding venue. In our case, my father in law knew a guy who had a little tea shop, so they cleared it out for us for a few hours. 

As I’ve mentioned, the henna night is usually for the bride’s side of the family and the women. In my case, only my dad, his wife, and my sister were able to attend my wedding so the women from my husband’s side made up for it. 

Process

The process is quite simple and only lasts a few hours so that the bride has time to rest before the wedding. We got there first so I could change into my Bindalli. We greeted everyone as they arrived and took photos together. Once everyone got there, the music started and my husband's sister led the way to start the dancing. 

Folklore Dances

The main dance done at weddings is a folk dance called the Halay. Every Turkish person alive knows this dance and it is a staple at all weddings and henna nights. There are many variations to the halay but the main idea is the same. Everyone holds hands, or pinkies depending on which version it is, and dances in a circle with one person as the leader. The leader usually holds the cloth I was talking about earlier. Turkish dances focus mainly on the shoulders rather than the hips so you basically take steps according to the leader and bounce your shoulders. It is a synchronized dance and the most common version involves taking four steps forward and slightly to the right followed by four steps backwards creating an expanding and shrinking circle. While you take these steps, your pinkies are interlocked with the person next to you and you move your arms together in a circle/swinging motion. Don’t forget the shoulder bouncing.  If you want to see an excellent example of this, watch this video of a Kurdish wedding.

Style of Dance

Another thing I find particularly interesting is that during Turkish dances, women tend to shake their shoulders rather than their hips. In fact, there is not a lot of hip movement at all and when women dance together, they shake their chests more than anything even when dancing alone. Everyone holds their arms up, snaps their fingers while rolling their wrists and steps side to side. Another common thing is for people to continue in this motion while they approach one another. When they reach the other person, it looks like a hug while holding their arms extended and they bump their shoulders against the other’s opposite shoulder. When Turkish women dance, the goal is not to be sexy - they aim for synchrony and rhythm. It is more of a uniform thing that people do together, similar to a game that is being played so you will not see anyone getting low or dropping it to the floor.

Side Note: Contrary to what many think, belly dancing is not a Turkish tradition. While it is present in Turkey today, it’s mostly sought out by tourists and Turkish people themselves refer to it as “oriental dance.” From what I’ve read, the Sultans used to like having belly dancers in the harems but it comes from Egypt. 

This type of dancing goes on for hours and people really get into it. The crazy thing is this is all done without a single drop of alcohol. They dance endlessly, walking in and out of a circle until they nearly collapse. 

My Henna Night

At my Henna night, we danced for probably around 45 minutes or so before we began the henna process. A chair was brought to the center of the room for me to sit and my head was covered with a red veil. Since my husband was also there, he was seated next to me and given a green scarf to put over his shoulders. (Both green and red are significant colors). Then, all of the lights were turned off and the women began walking around us with tealight candles, singing a traditional song in which a mother says goodbye to her daughter. My sister in law carried the silver tray with the henna along with candles. It was very emotional and my new sisters-in-law treated me just like their own sister so tears were shed on both sides. 

I would like to reiterate that symbolism is what you make of it and at no point did I feel that the rituals were meant to take away my identity or “give me” to my husband. The process was truly enjoyable and I saw it more as a personal transition into a new wife, which is not something I consider demeaning or an impediment of my independence. 

The Hennaing 

After a few moments, my sister in law stopped in front of us and tried to hand me a gold coin. According to tradition, the gold coin is like a bribe so the bride will open her hands to receive the henna. The bride is supposed to keep her hands closed in a type of game because the henna symbolizes her acceptance of her new role as a wife. I didn’t know this, so I opened my hand right away to take the gold coin. Everyone said “Nooo, don’t open your hand!” because I should have asked for more gold. I had personally never been offered gold before so one coin was enough for me and it was a funny moment of confusion for everyone.

After you open your hand, the henna is applied to your left hand and wrapped so it can dry and darken. The groom’s pinky is hennaed as well at this point. There is a reason for it being the left hand, but I’m not sure what it is. Again, many of the traditions have very deep roots and most people don’t know the meaning behind them anymore. It's similar to western weddings - many of the things we do like the cake smashing or the garter throwing that have forgotten meanings to most. 

Groom Dance

Following the henna, the groom stands up and dances around the bride while she stays seated and the crowd cheers him on. The dance he does is nothing like a man might dance in the west and, if I’m being completely honest, I had never seen anyone dance like that in my life and I was very surprised by it. So surprised, in fact, that I looked around at the others to see how they reacted to it and it appeared to be normal to them. It was only later when I learned that it is the typical style that men dance at weddings. The best way I can explain this is they shake the cloth with one hand behind their backs, bounce around, snap their fingers with their arms raised, shake their hands and make movements that somewhat resembles a child playing airplane. This is my honest first impression of this dance and it is no means a way of making fun of it. These days I love when men at weddings do this dance because the whole crowd gets involved and it's a really fun experience. 

Bridal Dance

Now comes my turn to dance around my husband while he sits in a chair. When they first told me I was supposed to dance around him, I laughed because my mind immediately imagined a lap dance. Why else would you put your husband in a chair and dance around him? Of course, I didn’t think that this was what I was supposed to do, I just found it funny. It is like the more innocent version of dancing for your husband. 

Vase Smashing

During my dance, I am given a clay vase adorned with the same fake gold coins I mentioned earlier along with a red ribbon. I am to shake this vase and dance around him in a circle. This is one tradition I like in particular. Traditionally, new brides would smash a vase on the ground before entering her husband's home as a symbol of releasing all of her anger. Now, it is decorated as I explained and she shakes it as she dances around him. Then, she holds the vase over her head and smashes it to the ground with all of her force to let out all bad energy or ill feelings. I was lucky enough to do this myself at my henna night and found it extremely therapeutic. I remember holding the vase over my head and my husband whispering “make sure you break it.” How hard did I have to throw it for it to break? Was it difficult to break? Was it a bad omen if it didn’t break? I had no clue. Considering the vase was so beautiful, it was a pity that I had to smash it to pieces, but the show must go on. Luckily, the vase did indeed break and there was a cheer from the crowd followed by my husband and I dancing in the center while women continued to dance around us in a circle. 

Adornment of Rings

As you can tell, there’s a lot of dancing. After the vase smashing, the remnants were swept up and we continued with the Halay for a foreseeable amount of time. Near the end, it was time to put on our rings which were tied together with a long red ribbon. My father in law put my ring on my hand, my dad put Mustafa’s ring on, and, upon instruction, my dad helped my father in law to cut the ribbon with scissors. My dad and I both asked what the reason was for cutting the ribbon as it seems that it symbolizes the opposite of union, but no one could give us a clear answer. That’s just how it's done. 

Conclusion

After all was said and done, we all went home and celebrated over dinner. Despite the origin of the henna night, my husband became as much a part of my family as I became of his and we did not take all of the old meanings to heart. On top of that, I don’t think my Henna night had all of the traditional elements to it such as what usually happens before or after, but it was adapted to accommodate both cultures. This was a huge cultural experience for my family especially and also for my husband's family to see how foreigners see their culture. As you can tell, while this ceremony is steeped in tradition and, perhaps even religion, it has morphed into a cultural ceremony adapted to meet the beliefs and preferences of the new couple. I mentioned before that this ceremony marked my transition into a wife and, for me, it was a powerful experience. To me, this ritual made the transition special and marked an occasion that was very important to me personally. By becoming a wife, I did not become less; I became more in all of the best ways and I will always cherish this phase of my life.

If you enjoyed the article, please like it and give it a rating. Stay tuned for next week’s article on weddings!