Learning a new culture is a bit like an archaeologist brushing away hundreds or even thousands of years of sand and soil to reach the treasures buried in it. The archaeologist spends years uncovering bits and pieces that may not make sense on their own, but they are all part of a bigger picture. It takes time to understand their connection to one another and the soil itself tells them a lot about their findings. Similarly, cultures have foundational pieces, bones, if you will, that are surrounded by layers and layers of time, tradition, and behaviors. I have found that Turkish culture exists in endless layers of time, all of which I continue to brush away, connecting the fragments as I go.
Gestures are movements of the body meant to portray meaning so we can consider them as types of behavior. Behaviors are what an Auntie of mine described as the surface layer of a culture, outward expressions of beliefs.. We act based on our beliefs of what a behavior means in our culture, which differs from place to place. For this reason, behaviors and gestures don’t always translate across cultures. To continue with the analogy, perhaps we can say that body language and gestures are some of the sand surrounding the bones. What is communicated via the gestures is based on the beliefs behind them meaning that nonverbal communication can become very complex and confusing to an outsider.
We can all agree that communication is an important aspect of life which becomes increasingly difficult when crossing cultural borders. Human communication is full of subtle, non verbal cues which we learn over time from our surroundings and how our world operates. People can say a lot with simple body movements and signals, communicating things that cannot always be expressed with words. When it comes to nonverbal gestures however, Turks are masters of the game. In fact, they use so many unintelligible gestures that, in the beginning, I felt like shaking them screaming “Just tell me what you want! Don’t make me guess!” Of course, I say all of this with the greatest love and endearment as Turkey forever holds a huge space in my heart.
While there are an infinite number of sound effects, or verbal gestures, which I will get to in a future article, much of communication in Turkey is nonverbal. After all this time, I’m still learning what different gestures mean and I am certain that Turks are telepathic beings. By the end, you will too.
As mentioned, Turkish culture has a lot of layers. Many Turkish gestures and their meanings are seemingly unrelated and it is very difficult to understand the connection between the two without someone explaining it to you. So, allow me to crack the code for you.
Saying “No”
Saying no in Turkey is an art form and there are many combinations of gestures you can use to say no. There is an entire culture around saying “no,” especially when declining offers and a lot of body language is involved. Like I said, it’s an art form and this is scratching the surface of saying no in Turkey. In a future article, I will go into the details of the culture around the topic. For now, this will suffice.
Clicking your tongue
This one took me a while to get used to because, generally, clicking your tongue in the western world means you are annoyed or that the person is bothering you. In addition, someone clicking their tongue instead of taking the time to use words to say “No, thank you,” can feel condescending to a westerner. These days it has become a habit of my own and I enjoy the simplicity of it.
Raising your eyebrows
Usually, people raise their eyebrows and close their eyes which means “no.” Again, this took me a while to understand and I would sit staring at them waiting for an answer to my question.
Nodding your head upwards once
This is another way of saying “no” and it is exactly like the nod we give when we are greeting someone non verbally. Again, it takes a while to recognize because it could mean a million different things.
A combination of a, b, and c
Usually, all three of these are used at once and it is much easier to recognize that someone is trying to communicate something to you. You might not know what they are saying, but at least you know that you were given some sort of response.
A combination of a, b, and c + hand movements
Finally, we have the full form and it's usually when there is a strong disagreement/rejection. It’s like their whole body moves upward to say “no” with a click of the tongue. I have personally seen this more commonly among older people, but anything is possible. Again, at least you are aware that the person has responded.
Patting your chest twice
This is another way of saying no and I feel like it’s a nonverbal way of saying “No, thank you.” Turks lightly pat their chest two or three times with their right hand and slightly lift their chin.
Closing your eyes tightly
Unlike the simple nod we are accustomed to, Turks like to tightly squeeze their eyes closed once to indicate “yes.” This one doesn’t need much explanation, so we can move on.
Putting your thumb between your pointer and middle fingers
You know that cute joke you make with kids when you pretend to steal their nose? You put your thumb between your pointer and your middle finger, right? In Turkey, this is how you give someone the bird. For me, it’s much less aggressive and they often bend their wrist up and down. I can’t take this gesture seriously at all. It almost comes off as “nanana boo boo” for a lack of a better description.
Curling your lip & Shaking your head AKA Telepathic Communication
What would you think if someone curled their lip and shook their head at you? Every single time I have gone to the bakery, I have asked for bread and the man’s mouth drops open, his lip curls, and he quickly shakes his head back and forth. To me, it was like he was annoyedly asking “What the h*ll did you just say?” and I would repeat myself louder and he would make the same gesture. I would get offended and think to myself, “I am literally saying one word and I know perfectly well how to say it. How does this man not understand what I want?” Finally, after repeating my question multiple times, he would ask me how many I wanted.
Come to find out, this gesture is literal telepathic communication because, if someone does this, they are asking you whatever question should come next without asking you. So, in the bakery situation, this gesture was him asking me how many pieces of bread I wanted. I am bewildered by this gesture. It scares me. How do I know what they are asking? What if I answer and it’s not what they wanted to ask? I would be so embarrassed. According to my husband, it’s all about context. To me, it's evidence of mind reading and leaves me at a loss.
Another example would be, if you told someone you stayed home from work that day. They would curl their lip and shake their head. You could assume that it means “Why?” or possibly “What happened?”
I’ve tried using this gesture once just to see what would happen and, believe it or not, the guy answered the question I had in mind. Unfortunately, I can’t remember what the topic was, I just remember I was blown away and ran home to tell my husband.
Putting your right hand on your chest
Putting your right hand on your chest and slightly bowing your head is a way to say hello and also to say thank you. Usually, it is used to say thank you to people you really respect and the president is often greeted in this way.
Remember how we said patting your right hand on your chest also means no? Well, in Turkey, saying “thank you” is a way of saying no as well. For instance, you might offer someone something and they respond only with “thank you,” which means no. For me, their acceptance and refusal of offers are extremely vague because they say “thank you” to say no and “it can be” to say yes. I mean, do you want it or not? The oddest thing about this to me is that the Turkish language is much more direct than English in almost every other situation. Because of this, it took quite some time for me to understand why they are indirect in this area and so direct in others. Turkish culture is like a bottomless well and tiny nuances constantly bring themselves to the surface.
Flicking your throat
Imagine you ask a friend to borrow $5 because you don’t have any cash. He flicks his throat twice. Do you have any guesses as to what this could mean? It means he swears doesn't have any money, he’s broke. I don’t know what the correlation is or how this gesture relates in any way shape or form, yet it’s funny to see.
Clicking through the side of your mouth
This is the hardest to explain, but I will do my best. It’s essentially lifting one corner of your mouth to make a clicking or smacking sound. If you are in a conversation and someone does this, it means they don’t agree with what you’re saying.
Waving your hand in an upward direction
How would you describe the gesture we make to tell people to keep walking? Waving your hand in a scooping fashion? This is how Turks express that there is a lot of something. For instance if you ask how many kids someone has, they might make this gesture and say “ohhh oh” to say they have a ton of kids.
Pulling your ear, making a kissing sound, and knocking on a nearby surface.
This is the Turkish equivalent of knock-on wood and serves as a way to avoid jinxing yourself or protecting yourself from bad energy.
Key Takeaways
Popping your cultural bubble can be an exhilarating experience that brings you a new perspective, that opens your mind to different ways of life and the world around you. It must also be said that it can also be a very uncomfortable experience filled with tough mental challenges as your entire version of reality comes into question. If you travel far enough, everything you know may be “wrong” causing uncertainty and a level of vulnerability that is difficult to navigate. The treasures you find, however, are worth the dig. Once you start making sense of the pieces and uncover more layers, you might find comfort in your new surroundings as they become ever more familiar to you.
Brilliant writing!