Is venting actually good for you?

For years we have been told that venting is good for you and the idea of “getting it off your chest” can feel therapeutic. Keeping everything bottled up sounds like the worst thing you could possibly do and it appears more logical to let things out. Science says, however, that venting actually does not make us feel better. In reality, it has the opposite effect of prolonging emotions, typically making us angrier or more upset. 

What is venting?

Venting is when you express feelings, discontent, or thoughts that are bothering you which can make you feel like you are gaining perspective. For years we have been told to “let off steam” as we comment on the danger of bottling up emotions. On the contrary, the ill effects of venting are very rarely put out into the open. 

Why is venting bad?

Studies have shown that behaviors like venting that encourage dwelling on emotion are more likely to increase anger and aggressiveness (Goleman, p.g 55). More often than not, our initial reaction is fueled by subsequent thoughts or statements leading to rage in cases of anger. Imagine a scenario in which a person cuts in front of you in line. Your first thought may be something like “What a jerk.” Thoughts or statements such as “He must think he is better than me,” or “Who does he think he is?,” follow as you approach boiling point. Similar situations can occur with other emotions, such as anxiety or sadness, spiraling us towards emotional flooding. Emotional flooding is when one becomes overwhelmed with emotions to such an extent that they may try to escape, behave in ways that are out of character, or be unable to control themselves (Smith, 2022). If you have ever been ashamed of your actions after calming down, you have most likely experienced emotional flooding. The issue with emotional flooding is that, not only are you overwhelmed with emotions, but you are also likely to misperceive events because of assumption bias (Smith, 2022). 

What happens to our bodies when we vent?

When we vent, our bodies relive the experience which strengthens the neural pathways for the emotion the experience evoked (Suttie, 2021). This emotion could range from anger to anxiety to grief. As the neural pathways for these emotions grow stronger, it makes it easier for us to become anxious, angry, or grief stricken (Suttie, 2021). A study of trauma victims from 9/11 and mass shootings showcased that those who vented their anxiety online or in person experienced anxiety, higher levels of post-traumatic stress, and depression for months longer than those who didn’t (Suttie, 2021). The leaders of the study concluded that venting was a unique predictor of long-term anxiety. 

Effects on Others

The effects of venting on personal relationships is another issue of concern. Generally, our friends want to help us and they want to be a shoulder for us to cry on. However, things can go sour when you fall to the habit of venting too often. Venting can quickly turn into emotional dumping in which the listener’s wellbeing is not considered (Foundcare, n.d). Not only that, venting too often can make the other person, possibly a close friend, lose sympathy and sensitivity causing you to feel all the more upset by the lack of their validation. I think we have all experienced this before in some way or another. We have all met someone, it may even be a family member, who constantly expresses their hardships. Sadly, it can be overbearing and you may have had to put some boundaries up. 

Very interestingly, research has been conducted that those who have a larger network of support, often feel worse over time after venting (Trần & Szabó, 2023). Venting to a lot of people can result in very different responses from others. Oftentimes, we want support for our feelings and it's a terrible thing when we don’t receive it. Getting validation from some and not others can lead to even more confusion, resulting in more venting. Now, you’re not only upset about your problem but you're also upset about the person who did not agree with you being upset. Naturally, you have to tell someone, most likely the person who supported you. Thus the cycle continues.

In order for venting to be effective, it has to be done with the aim of finding a solution. The same is true for other forms of venting like journaling. If the expression of emotion is a rant that makes no progress towards a solution or closure, it does not help.

The Poison: Rumination

Rumination is the process of thinking carefully about something for a long period of time. Women are more prone to rumination which is why, according to science, they are more prone to depression. Studies even show that rumination increases the likelihood of lashing out on others, strangers even, who had no part in the situation (Goleman, p.g 55). Sometimes we may feel like we need to think it all out, go through every detail to understand what happened. We think that this helps us feel better, more in control of the situation. As a ruminator myself, ruminating makes me feel like I’m not missing any of the details, that nothing is passing by unnoticed. I often feel the need to think things over and over again in order to voice my concerns without missing anything.

How to deal with it

I know what you are thinking. Bottling it up is bad for me, but so is letting it out. So, what am I supposed to do? The key piece of advice is not to suppress them, but not to act on them either. 

It is an impossibly difficult task to simply “stop being upset” and telling yourself to let it go doesn’t make much of a difference. The absolute worst thing you can do when it comes to extreme emotions, however, is to dwell on them. Dwelling on emotions gives them power and rumination in particular has been found to be a powerful catalyst for depression, rage, and anxiety. Science has taught us that the best way to overcome these emotions is to partake in pleasant activities that take us away from our thoughts (Goleman, p.g 55-56). In essence, distract yourself. A cooling-off period does nothing for you if it is used to continue your angry train of thought (Goleman, p.g 57). 

When we take time to cool off first and distract ourselves with pleasant activities, it prevents our emotions from building up. When we are calm, we are more intellectually sound as extreme emotions hamper our ability to think (Goleman, p.g 75). This means that, not only do we keep from making a fool of ourselves with emotional outbursts, we are also more likely to get a constructive outcome (Goleman, p.g 55). In the end, it's a win-win-win in which we save our relationships, save face, and get better results.

One other thing that has been found to help with multiple intense emotions such as anger, anxiety, or extreme sadness is by challenging thoughts early on before emotional flooding (Goleman, p.g 56). In order for this to work, we need to catch the emotions early on and redirect them with thoughts like “Maybe the rude barista was having a bad day” or “Maybe that crazy driver didn’t see me.” Once you have become flooded, however, this tactic is useless. So, make sure to derail your emotionally triggering train of thoughts early on as each thought triggers the next (Goleman, p.g 57). 

Final Thoughts

Dealing with intense emotions and being emotionally sound enough to have the willpower to distract ourselves can be easier said than done. For me personally, letting issues simmer and doing something else makes me feel overwhelming anxiety and every fiber of my being wants to say what I feel. Despite this, the times I have managed to distract myself have all managed to have much more positive outcomes as well as a more positive self-perception. 

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References

Founcare., (n.d) Emotional Dumping vs. Healthy Venting https://foundcare.org/blog/emotional-dumping-vs-healthy-venting

Goleman, D. (1995) Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books.

Smith, L., (2022) What is Emotional Flooding? https://www.webmd.com/balance/what-is-emotional-flooding

Suttie, J., (2021) Does Venting your feelings actually help? https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/does_venting_your_feelings_actually_help

Trần,V. & Szabó, A,. (2023) To vent or not to vent: is letting out our feelings actually helpful? https://www.wgtn.ac.nz/news/2023/03/to-vent-or-not-to-vent-is-letting-our-feelings-out-actually-helpful#:~:text=Sharing%20or%20letting%20negative%20emotions,be%20a%20double%2Dedged%20sword.