"Generally, our rational side tells us we should just eat healthy and exercise, but our negative emotions or connotations towards these things get in the way. Humans are largely emotional beings, not rational ones." - CharaDK
Why is weight loss so hard? "Just workout and eat better." It seems pretty rational, right? The issue is that human beings are irrational. We are creatures driven by emotion, not rationality which is why "just eating better" is so difficult. Since I was a child, I have struggled with my weight and I remember going on, or rather being put on my first diet at 9 years old. Needless to say, this gave me a very negative body image and not so great relationship with food. My siblings were all naturally thin and tall, but I got the short and stocky end of the stick which I hated for the first 21 years of my life. I am not saying that being thin is best and everyone should strive for it, but it was what I truly wanted for myself and that's okay.
Since I had struggled for so long and had always been overweight or heavier than other girls, I made up my mind that it was my body type and there was nothing I could do about it. I believed that I could never be skinny and it was impossible for me because “I’m built this way.” This mindset along with horribly constructed diet and exercise plans that were designed for failure, kept me back for an extremely long time, and had I known then what I know now, I could have spared myself a lot of failures and the sorrows that come with it. On top of believing I could never be thin, failing to lose weight the hundreds of times I went on diets just confirmed my belief and solidified it in my mind. This in turn created a breeding ground of fear that any attempt I made would end in failure making me afraid to try again. In fact, I was so certain of failure that this time around I didn’t even take before pictures because I didn’t want to disappoint myself again.
So, after 17 years (since I was 8) of telling myself and fully believing that I could never be thin along with hundreds of failed weight loss attempts, I have now lost almost 40 pounds and am the smallest I have been since I was 12 years old. Not to mention that I have recently bought my first pair of size 6 jeans, the no-stretch kind. I can, for the first time in my life, say that I am thin and fit. I had tried so many diets and had never been able to follow them for more than a week. I quit every single time and fell into more self-loathing and pity, hating my body and feeling like I could never change it - that it was my destiny. News flash, it’s not. Trust me, I am the queen of excuses so whichever ones you can harbor up, I have told myself before.
This time, I was able to follow my plan for almost a full year without ever getting tired of it or feeling like I wanted to stop. I even reached my goal weight twice and kept going because I felt like I could easily do more. How, after all of these failed attempts, did I manage to follow a diet for a whole year? It's not because I am any different, any more motivated, or any more disciplined than anyone else. I assure you that I'm not. So what changed? Well, I decided to take my time, make it a lifestyle instead of a diet, and use my emotions, the main drivers of behavior, to do what needed to be done.
Don’t Overdo it.
I don't want to start out beating a dead horse, but the truth is that one of the most important things to successful weight loss is taking your time and following a sustainable plan. It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle so we need to be able to keep it up. No one wants to hear that it will take them a year to get to their goals, however, putting yourself on a super intense plan makes you more likely to quit. If you give up, you’re not making any progress and slow progress is better than none. Allow your body time to lose the weight that you’ve put on. Remember that you didn’t gain that weight overnight, in fact, it probably took years and years. If you try to lose it all in a month, you’re going to put yourself through unnecessary struggles and make it exponentially harder than it needs to be. Plus, once you go back to your old ways, you will likely gain it all back and it will be all for naught. Slow progress means small, much easier-to-maintain, changes that don’t create a field of negative energy around diet and exercise. Instead of turning your life upside down and being the focus of your whole existence, your weight loss journey can be something that is happening in the background with these small changes.
So what does taking your time mean? It means not going too extreme with diet or exercise. It means not restricting yourself and also not killing yourself by doing super intense workouts that aren’t necessary to lose weight and just create emotional resistance. For some reason, people like to do these no-carb diets with 5 am jogs to lose weight. That sounds like a nightmare I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, especially if you are not in the habit of working out or eating well. (I do not consider cutting out carbs to be “eating well.” That's another story.) Taking your time means not trying to lose 10 pounds in a month, it means having goals that allow you to make progress without causing yourself pain and misery.
Tools You Might Need
There are three tools I highly recommend to help you on your weight loss journey/build your new lifestyle and those are a food diary app, a kitchen scale, and a step tracker. You can get any food diary app you’d like, there are plenty of free options and it saves you a lot of time because you don’t have to add everything up or calculate the calories yourself. All you have to do is weigh out the food and put it into the app. I personally use an app called MyNetDiary and I really like it because you tell it your weight loss goals and it tells you your calorie limit as well as shows you how many calories you have left for the day. It's super handy because I can decide how many calories I want to eat at a meal and use the app to tell me how many grams of food that gives me. You're going to love how easy it is and the peace of mind it gives you that everything is under control. That leads us to the kitchen scale. It is really important to weigh out your food, which I will discuss in more detail in another section. You can find a cheap kitchen scale for $7-13 on Amazon and it will do the job just fine. All you have to do is put your plate on the scale, reset it, add a food item, enter the weight into the food app, reset the scale, add the next food item, enter the weight, etc. You’re still adding food to a plate as you normally would, the only difference is you are just writing down the grams(ounces) of each. No big deal.
Why do I recommend a step tracker? Research shows that people who have step trackers are likely to move more, which is our goal. If you have an Apple watch or a Fitbit, that is wonderful, but if you don’t and you’re short on cash, you can find a step tracker on Amazon for as little as $15, check this one out. The benefits of having an Apple watch are that it is linked to your phone and you can visually see yourself accomplishing things. Apple watches can be pricey but I bought this refurbished one for me, my husband, and my sister for a fraction of the price and they work great. It's also better for the environment. Seeing the goals being ticked off makes you not want to break your streak which is also proven via research. If you don’t have an Apple watch, you can get a pen and paper and draw up a little calendar with checkboxes and check off each day that you exercise.
Set up a sustainable movement goal
Notice how I said the term “movement.” The idea of exercise might feel like a momentous task, as it did for me at the time. I felt so out of shape due to my 20-pound weight gain that the idea of exercising made me feel worse about myself, especially because I couldn’t workout the way I used to. So, if you do not currently workout, the term “movement” sounds much more palatable, more achievable, and more doable than “exercise.” Generally, our rational side tells us we should just eat healthy and exercise, but our negative emotions or connotations towards these things get in the way. Humans are largely emotional beings, not rational ones. Most of the issue is in our emotional minds so if we can get to the root and trick ourselves psychologically with a simple change of terms, why not? It makes it a whole lot easier if your emotions are on board.
When I started out, the term “movement”, unlike “exercise,” didn’t have the connotation of strenuous effort. It meant that I didn’t have to kill myself with workouts and I could decide the intensity based on how I felt that day. So, I decided to “move” 45 minutes a day, every day for 1 month. My goal was to build a habit, to make movement a part of my life, and get out of the slump I had been in. It didn’t matter what the movement was, I just had to do it whether it be light yoga or simple bodyweight exercises. However, I did try to do moderate exercise 3-4 times per week, nothing crazy but enough to get me sweating and breathing out of my mouth. The other days were “fillers” so I could keep my habit up. Remember, the initial goal is to build a habit and, with my new method, it worked. I started out by following walking workouts in my living room and now, a year later and 36 pounds lighter, I crave exercise and genuinely want to exercise 5 times per week doing intense HIIT and shadow boxing. I have never been this fit in my life, never felt this healthy, and I enjoy my workouts to the fullest. After you build the habit, you may even start to enjoy higher-intensity or longer workouts. But, we can’t build a habit if we quit after two days so taking it slowly is important for the bigger picture.
Do you have to exercise to lose weight? Technically, no. However, it will help you build a better physique along with more muscle mass. Higher muscle mass means that your body burns more calories doing virtually anything from sleeping to walking to the mailbox. Thus, more muscle boosts your metabolism. So, you burn extra calories doing nothing and you look better. A win-win.
Which exercises should I do?
If you are new to exercise or haven’t done it in a while, the first question you need to ask yourself is what kind of movement you enjoy, or mind doing the least. I do not recommend doing workouts that you hate, that are boring, or too difficult otherwise you will not follow through with them. If you give up, you’re not getting closer to your goal.
In the first phase of your journey, the goal is to find an exercise you enjoy, that is challenging enough to keep you from boredom, but not too strenuous to the point where you never want to do it again or hurt yourself. There are so many workouts available for free on Youtube for all levels and I suggest finding something you like, whether it be pilates, light weights, walking workouts, kickboxing, dancing, it doesn’t matter. I highly encourage mixing it up and not doing the same type of movement every day otherwise it might get boring. You could do pilates on Monday, a dance workout on Tuesday, stretching on Wednesday, a low-impact cardio tabata workout on Thursday, a walking workout on Friday, and maybe go for a bike ride outside on Saturday. You could even split your movement into half and take a 20 minute walk followed up with 25 minutes of pilates. You get the point. As you make progress, its important to make sure that you continue challenging yourself by gradually increasing the intensity as it gets easier. Once the habit is built, refer to the next section.
Get the biggest bang for your buck with exercise
The only type of exercise I discourage for weight loss is working small muscle groups because they burn less calories. For example, doing bicep curls or donkey kicks burn significantly less calories than doing shoulder presses or deadlifts because the latter involve larger muscle groups. There is nothing wrong with these exercises, however, I recommend cutting first before focusing on specific muscles. Try doing compound movements, movements that work more than one muscle group, instead to burn more calories per rep.
If you already work out or have built the habit: I have found that combining cardio with weights has given me the best physique I have ever had in my life. For example, I really enjoy doing squat presses, which work your entire body and pairing them with something like jumping jacks. Jumping jacks keep the heart rate up and squat presses build muscle. Or you could do something like plate snatches supersetted with burpees. Working out like this has made me feel like a true athlete. If you are already in the habit of working out, try changing up your workout style. Superset some cardio into your weight training and see dramatic results. Remember that I did not start this way, rather I worked up to it and implemented it when I felt like my body was ready for it. If you are in the beginning of your journey, you could do milder versions of this technique by doing low-impact cardio paired with weights such as standing jumping jacks with straight-leg deadlifts. You could even split your movement into half and take a 20-minute walk followed up with 25 minutes of pilates. You get the point.
As we mentioned before, more muscle mass equals more calories burned. So, if you do not want to go to a gym or one is not accessible to you, you can find a very affordable set of light weights that you can use to put on some muscle. As for me personally, I bought two ten-pound dumbbells for $5 each and those were all I used. You can find kettlebells and dumbbells for under $5 at Five Below. Are they the best quality? No. Do they get the job done? Yes. If you do compound exercises and use the right form, this weight should be just fine. I have the most defined arms I have ever had in my life - even more so than when I lifted heavy weights.
How Many Calories Should I Eat?
Now, let's talk about calories. It is really important that you don’t go into too much of a deficit, otherwise this can slow your metabolism and cause you to plateau. Basically, if you do not consume enough calories, your body will use less calories than it usually does resting and for other metabolic purposes, also known as your basal metabolic rate. On top of that, if you cut too many calories you will most likely be too tired to do things, also known as non-exercise activity thermogenesis. This means that the amount of calories you typically spend in a day doing everyday things goes down as well.
One pound is equal to 3,500 calories, thus you will need a daily deficit of 500 calories to lose 1 pound per week. It may not sound like a lot, but 4-5 pounds in a month is excellent progress and I have found it to be the sweet spot for sticking to the program without feeling deprived. What you need to do is calculate your total daily energy expenditure (TDEE), which you can do right here https://tdeecalculator.net/. Once you have your TDEE, you’re going to subtract 500 from that number. For instance, my maintenance calories is 2,100, meaning my cutting calories would be 1,600.
What Should I Eat?
For the ones in the back: Get the biggest bang for your buck with what you eat. How do you do that? Go for higher volume, lower calorie foods you enjoy so you feel like you’re eating a lot and it fills you up for much longer. But, remember to monitor the toppings and sauces you add. A great snack is plain popcorn because it offers tremendous volume for very few calories and is a good fiber source. Other foods include cabbage which you could whip up with some soy sauce, carrots, and lean meat for a nice little stir fry. It is an extremely filling meal with monstrous volume - I’m talking about a huge bowl for 250 calories and I couldn’t even finish it. Watermelon is another amazing one because it’s low calorie and incredibly filling due to its water content. The list goes on and on.
There are no magic weight loss foods so DO NOT eat foods you do not enjoy. I personally enjoy oatmeal topped with pomegranate seeds, which is why I have it for breakfast. It is not because I think the pomegranate seeds “melt belly fat” or some other nonsense like that. There are no foods that melt fat. Period. Eating foods you don't like are probably just going to increase the chances of you diving into the pantry for some snacks or making a trip to the nearest Taco Bell because you aren't satisfied.
As I said from the beginning, we are not depriving ourselves but balance is key. From the start of my journey I drank wine and ate chocolate just about every day. Knowing that I wasn’t forbidden from the things I liked most meant that I didn’t have to eat a lot of them. I typically had a glass of dry white wine and 2 blocks of dark chocolate just about every single day and still lost 36 pounds. You can still enjoy the foods you love, but don’t overdo it, and don’t sacrifice high-quality foods for empty calories because you’re just going to be hungry and end up eating more.
WEIGH YOUR FOOD + Download a Food Diary App
You’re going to hate me for this one, but measuring out your food is very important to seeing consistent and reliable progress. Saying “Oh, I probably eat around X amount,” is not going to cut it. I remember telling myself, “Oh, I don't eat that much and I eat less than 1600 calories and I’m still not losing weight.” I spent the first two months of my journey not losing a pound because I was guessing how much I was eating. I almost gave up because I was so disappointed and didn't know what I was doing wrong. Well, one day I bought a cheap little kitchen scale and I’m telling you right now, that was a humbling experience because the reality was that I was consuming about 600 calories more per day than I thought I was. You can't make progress if you have no idea how much you are consuming.
Using a kitchen scale is super easy because all you have to do is look up the food on a food diary app and enter the grams/oz. I use an app called MyNetDiary and it works wonders. To me, weighing things out is a lot better than using measuring cups because it's fast and less dishes. Plus, it is more reliable because you can’t cheat by giving yourself a generously heaped tablespoon of peanut butter. Weighing high-calorie foods is crucial because just a little bit can put you over and ruin your deficit. All we need is 500 calories less and 100 calories of rice, pasta, peanut butter, or steak is a barely noticeable amount. On top of that, add a little bit too much sauce or other toppings and you’ve just ruined your deficit. For example, I used to throw a handful of pumpkin seeds on my morning oatmeal thinking it was a harmless little handful. Later I found out that that little handful of pumpkin seeds was equal to about half the calories of my entire breakfast and I could have had a larger portion instead since pumpkin seeds are nothing to ride home about.
Here is what 100 calories of butter, bread, pistachios, and cooked rice looks like. As you can see, these portions are quite small and can fly under the radar extremely easily.
Plus, what we think is a tablespoon is often much more than the actual measurement, so you may think you only used a tablespoon of butter, but in reality you used double. You may think you are having one chicken breast, which is around 172 grams at 284 calories. In reality, the chicken breast you are eating is much larger, adding on calories without you knowing it. I can’t tell you how many times I logged a “small banana” into my food diary because it looked small to me. In reality and according to the weight, it was indeed a “large banana.”
Weighing Your Snacks is a Win-Win
I’m not saying that you have to measure out every scrap of food, but it is important to be honest with yourself about your snacking and the amount you eat which is why weighing things out makes such a big difference. There is nothing wrong with snacking, however, because it's small, we often don't think to count it towards calories or we do it so mindlessly that we won't even notice. Don't just grab a handful out of the bag, portion it. You know the handful of chips you eat while standing in the pantry door trying to decide if you’re going to have the chips? That’s a quick 100-200 calories right under your nose. If you don’t want to measure everything, at least weigh out high-calorie foods like snacks, seeds, nuts, fats, sauces, and treats. It takes barely any extra time and I promise you it's worth the extra few seconds of your day. If you weigh out the chips in the correct portion, you can still have them and stay on track. Remember though, snacks usually aren't very filling so pay attention to the next section to learn how to eat more for less.
PS, just because it's "healthy" doesn't mean it's low calorie so watch out for trendy "health foods."
“Spend” Your Calories Wisely, choose the better calorie deal.
When I think about food, I think of the calorie content like a price tag. This is another psychological trick because we are primed to want the better deal. For example, I might pay a lot for something if I think it is worth the money, but more often I’ll buy something that is the best bang for my buck - the thing that doesn’t burn my budget but satisfies my needs. I think in the same way about food. Say I have a 1600-calorie budget. Is this food worth “spending” X amount of calories? If it’s high calorie and I don’t absolutely love it, probably not. By telling yourself you get to choose how you spend your budget, you feel like you are in control rather than deprived when you make food choices that work towards your goals. For example, if you tell yourself you are not allowed to have cheesecake, it would automatically make you feel upset and as if you wanted it even more. However, if you tell yourself you have two choices, a 500-calorie cheesecake or a 350-calorie chicken wrap which would fill you up and leave space for a small dessert, you would feel empowered by choosing the latter rather than restricted. Plus, the better "calorie deal" would get your emotions on board to make the better choice.
Things I try to stay away from when I’m cutting are high-calorie “health foods” like smoothies, avocados, and nut butter. Are they healthy? Absolutely. But, they aren’t very filling and they are VERY calorie-dense. Liquid calories aren't my favorite and I don't understand why smoothies and smoothie bowls are so popular for weight loss considering they aren't filling, they aren't low-calorie, and they leave you hungry 20 minutes later. Here's another point: half an avocado is around 160 calories - that’s a whole bowl of oatmeal. A tablespoon of almond butter, a real tablespoon, not a heaped one, is 100 calories. Again, you could have another slice of toast or a heaping bowl of popcorn. It's just not worth it in my opinion. Is a glass of white wine and a couple squares of chocolate worth 160 calories? From my perspective, I would much rather exclude the avocado, since it's not very filling and doesn’t make my meal much smaller, and “spend” my 160 calories on the glass of white wine and chocolate instead of that half avocado. I am not promoting drinking alcohol instead of eating real food. What I am saying is that calorie-dense foods don’t offer much in terms of filling you up and you can exchange them for things you enjoy more. So, if you typically have two slices of toast and half an avo, removing the avo wouldn’t really reduce the size of your meal. If you think avos are worth it, then, by all means, go for it. I’m just of the mind that I would rather have more food or other treats that make the journey feel like a breeze than add “health food toppings” just because every fit girl on Instagram does it.
Sticking to it
When you start your journey, wait until a month later to see if you are making progress. Do not expect to see results after a week as it takes time for your body to adjust. In addition, adding movement to your routine can result in muscle gain which will cause the scale to look a little bit stagnant, but do not worry. Remember that weight loss is not linear and you can experience weight fluctuations that can be due to many factors such as salt intake, amount of sleep, or hormone levels as all of these affect water retention. If you see the scale fluctuate, do not panic and do something crazy like run in a sweat suit or skip meals because it is most likely just water weight. Instead of overly focusing on the scale, think about how you feel physically as appearance shouldn’t be your main reason for weight loss. I mentioned earlier how I didn’t see any progress for two months and I was thinking about giving up but I decided to continue simply because of how much better I felt not only physically but emotionally and mentally as well.
The Golden Ticket
I’m about to reveal the golden ticket that has completely changed my relationship with food and exercise. This is what has allowed me to stay on track without faltering for a whole year when, in the past, I had never stuck to a diet for more than 3 days. It has also allowed me to maintain my new lifestyle and never look back. Are you ready? Think for a moment about how you feel after having a cheeseburger, a big bowl of chicken alfredo, or deep-fried chicken wings. How do you physically feel for the rest of the day? Probably not that great and I encourage you to pay attention to these feelings the next time you eat foods such as these. What you might realize is that the pleasure you get from eating things like fast food, pizza, cake, fried rice, etc disappears as soon as you take the last bite and you spend the rest of the day feeling physically sluggish. Now think for a moment about exercising. When you are exercising, how do you feel? Probably like it sucks and you can’t wait for it to be over. How about afterwards and for the rest of the day? After you exercise, you might feel energized, healthy, light, and even more productive according to research. Again, I encourage you to focus on how you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally afterwards. The golden ticket is to associate the task with how you feel in the aftermath, rather than the taste or feeling in the moment while you are eating or exercising. This has acted like a complete mental switch for me and has completely averted my cravings for “junk food” entirely. This tactic has actually changed my emotional reactions towards things like fast food and, by seeing them as how they make me feel later rather than the taste, I almost feel a physical sensation of disgust which has completely averted any desire I have for them. The same has occurred with exercising and I crave movement because of its associated results in my mind. I crave the feeling, not the process.
Key Points
We’re emotional beings, not rational so use your emotions to change your behavior.
Don’t Overdo It: If you quit because it's too intense, you aren't getting closer to your goal. Don’t create emotional resistance by depriving yourself or overexercising.
Utilize a step tracker, food diary, and kitchen scale to expedite the process
Make a habit of daily movement, it can be whatever you’d like but make sure it’s moderately challenging. Do compound movements to burn more calories per rep.
Calculate your TDEE and deduct 500 calories to lose 1 pound per week
There are no miracle foods and just because its healthy doesn’t mean its low calorie, so don't eat things you don't like.
Go for high-volume, low-calorie foods to stay full and feel like you’re eating a lot
Weigh your food, especially snacks. You can’t lose weight if you have a loose guess of how much you’re consuming
Spend your calories wisely and give yourself the choice of what you’re going to use your calorie budget for. Seeing it as the better calorie deal gets your emotions on board to make the better choice
Be patient and do not check for progress after the first week. Wait a month minimum and accept that weight fluctuations are normal - fat loss is not linear. Instead of focusing on the number, look at other ways these new habits are benefiting you - emotionally, physically, and perhaps psychologically.
The Golden Ticket: associate exercise and eating with how it makes you feel for the rest of the day, the long-term, the aftermath, rather than the feeling they give at the moment.
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