It’s that time of year again and I find myself actively taking part in more Christmas traditions every year that were never even a part of my childhood, things that I had never tried just for the sake of Christmas. People often wonder what this time of year is like for me considering it is not a holiday here and my family is nowhere near me. Follow me on my journey to creating Christmas for myself and how it's been going.
I want to emphasize first that this is in no way me complaining. I am fully aware that other cultures DO NOT need to celebrate the holidays that I do. However, I'm sure someone out there has spent a big holiday (it doesn't need to be Christmas) somewhere far from home and can relate to my situation.
My first Christmas in Turkiye was the hardest. I had never realized how much the season meant to me. Of course, I loved the holiday and it was my favorite of the whole year, but I had never realized how much weight it carried until I spent it in a country where Christmas isn’t celebrated. I remember walking outside in December to find cold weather, but not a single Christmas light. There were no twinkling Christmas trees through people’s windows, no red and green decorations, and no general atmosphere of cheer. There wasn’t even the smell of Christmas in bakeries, spiced apples, or gingerbread wafting through the air, piles of Christmas presents decorating shop windows. There was just nothing. It was all wrong. Everything was bare and the hustle and bustle of Christmas shoppers were nowhere to be seen. This may be dramatic, but I felt like I was in an alternate universe where happiness didn’t exist and all that was left was bare trees and dirty snow with a bitter-cold wind chilling your soul. A tragedy, an absolute tragedy.
At that time, I didn’t know that the universe had planned for me to spend such a substantial amount of time here and so I thought it was unnecessary to buy a bunch of Christmas decorations since we were leaving soon anyway. On top of that, I didn’t know how to get around without Mustafa anyway and how could I buy him a gift without him knowing? I thought that I was an adult and that I would be fine skipping a Christmas. It wasn’t the end of the world, right? Wrong.
It took all but until Christmas Eve for me to break down into puddles of tears while watching the Grinch, as I did every Christmas Eve since I was a kid. I mean I was actually sobbing because the realization had come to me, that that would have been the moment in which we were opening our first presents - we were always allowed to open one the night before - and feelings of complete and utter sadness rained over me and poured out of my eyes onto my lap. My husband, who had never celebrated Christmas before, was so confused about what was going on (it was the beginning of our relationship). He tried consoling me with “Its okay, its okay! We can decorate! We can buy something! Its okay!” I cried like a baby and said “No, its too late,” as my face sank into my hands. “Why? When is Christmas?!” he asked. “It’s tomorrow!!!” I answered through my tears. “Tomorrow?! Oh no….. I thought it was on New Year’s….” My poor husband felt so bad when I explained to him that Christmas and New Year’s were, in fact, different things. Unfortunately, due to the mix up, he had ordered a gift for me that he had scheduled to arrive on New Year’s Day. I, of course, felt terrible because the poor man tried, without me asking, to take part in a holiday that wasn’t his own while I was curled up in the fetal position, crying my eyes out. I’m not even exaggerating about how much I cried - my husband was frantically patting my face with a napkin asking “Where is it all coming from?!”
From that moment on, I decided that I would never ever skip another Christmas. Christmas was how the year was supposed to end and so, when January rolled around, I felt like we skipped a period of time, that the year wasn’t and couldn’t be finished yet. It was as if the year of 2020 had no closure. The following year, I vowed to have Christmas no matter what. However, something bothered me. How could I handle another Christmas with no Christmas atmosphere? It made me sad to think about another barren Christmas and the lack of the Christmas feel, the warmth, and the cheer. I was worried that it just wouldn’t be the same and I would experience that same empty hole as the year before.
Teaching my Husband about Christmas
To make up for the lack of Christmas spirit in the outside world, I was determined to create it in my home. When I told my husband about my plan he agreed and eagerly asked “So we make cookies, right?” Yes, yes we do. What I didn’t realize was, due to the low demand, Christmas decor was hard to come by and the decor you could find was either extremely overpriced or very cheap looking - I’m talking the plastic ornaments and Charlie Brown-style Christmas trees. When I tell you these things were hard to come by, I mean I was unable to find a single scented candle that resembled anything close to a holiday smell. Oddly, candles aren’t a big thing in Turkiye and they are generally little tea-light candles that have no smell. I was shocked, horrified, and in true despair about how I was going to create my cozy holiday vibe that I so desperately wanted, needed.
Well, I did what I had to do and got the cheap-looking Christmas decor because it was my only option. It was that or nothing and, to my surprise, they did the trick and I set off getting presents to throw under the tree. It had to be a lot since it would be my husband's first Christmas and I wanted him to feel the holiday vibe. He was so very supportive and did his absolute best to be part of Christmas. I remember explaining to him that we needed to buy each other presents, to which he agreed. A night or two later, he sat down next to me and said we needed to talk. With an earnest look on his face he asked, “So what I buy? You show me and I buy” I just told him that you buy things that you think the person would like and it needed to be a surprise. “Wow. It's very difficult. How many things we buy? I also mentioned that we generally started Christmas shopping at the beginning of December until Christmas time. “You need buy present every day?!” he gasped. I should have said yes, but I’m too nice for that. Then I talked to him about Christmas lists and that he could write down what he wanted. “Wallah? Then it won’t be surprise??” (He also assumed that you HAD to buy everything on the list - again, I should have allowed him to believe that. Just kidding.) I will never forget how seriously he posed these questions and how hard he tried to make things just right.
I will also never forget the moment he saw the first present sitting under the Christmas tree. He literally stopped in his tracks, stared, and said “I open??” He had never received a present before, especially not a wrapped present as it is very uncommon in Turkish culture to give presents and only the new generation celebrates birthdays. Seeing the wonder in his eyes made him look like a sweet, innocent child and I quite literally had to keep him from touching the presents. What took me by surprise is how important it was to him that his name was written on the gift. When he wrapped my present he told me that he would write my name on mine too. He wrote my first and last name as well as his first and last. It was so cute and something he has done each Christmas since then.
I made a charcuterie board, put on a Christmas playlist, and we opened presents over a bottle of wine. Even though it was just the two of us, it was one of the best Christmases I had ever had. What I was even happier to see was that he was enjoying it as well and said “We should do again next year.” What I would have done if he hadn’t liked it, lord knows. All I know is I’m grateful to have a husband who is so willing to embrace parts of my culture that are important to me.
Making New Traditions
This year in particular I have found myself indulging in Christmas traditions that I had never even considered when I actually lived in the US. I am more Christmassy now than I have ever been in my life and I can’t help but think that it's to make up for the lack of sweet holiday air outside. So what are my tips for making Christmas, Christmas in a country or a place where there are only faint resemblances and drooping, old bows on a couple of windows trying to lure European customers in?
The number one thing I’ve learned is that you can make your home an absolute sanctuary, which doesn’t only apply to Christmas. I’ve learned that, by creating a holiday feel in my home, I carry the Christmas spirit with me when I leave the house and every little red thing I see I take as a sign of the holiday season. I romanticize the cool air and imagine myself when I was a kid, trudging through the mall parking lot on Black Friday with my big winter coat to see everyone and their mother lining up to get presents in their Christmas Pjs, giant Christmas trees in the middle of the mall, Mariah Carrie on repeat, and lights hanging from every railing.
Creating a Holiday Atmosphere from Scratch
Smells
I've found that smells are extremely powerful and it's a fact that smells induce your most powerful memories (backed by science). If I can’t find candles, I make mulled wine, put cinnamon sticks all over the house, bake cookies, and do whatever I can to recreate the smells that put me in the holiday mood. What I have been doing recently is force people who come visit to bring me candles on top of all that I just mentioned.
Tastes
Following smell, taste isn’t far behind. Something I had never considered, finding Christmas foods in a country that doesn’t celebrate Christmas is like trying to buy eggnog in July. It doesn’t work out very well. There are no gingerbread house kits, holiday custards, candy canes, eggnog, peppermint mocha coffee creamer, pies of any kind, Christmas-themed Hershey's kisses, Reese’s trees, or festive mugs to put your hot cocoa in. I personally winced in pain while writing that sentence. In fact, now that I think of it, there is no peppermint at all in Turkiye. Interestingly though, I have found that, despite the lack of ready-made items with holiday-themed packaging, there are plenty of Christmassy things that you can make easily at home. I have also found that making them myself has brought me more holiday cheer leading up to Christmas than I had ever felt in the United States. We were never a family that made anything for Christmas as my mother hated baking, so I was quite unaware of all of the things that could be made by hand. I started whipping up things I had never even tried before like mulled wine and gingerbread men, which were both so much easier to make than I had ever anticipated. Not only did mulled wine saturate my home with the smell of cinnamon, cloves, and anise, it was that much better simply because I made it myself. Not only that, I learned how to make eggnog which was surprisingly simple and actually tastes like eggnog - who’d have thought? Making these treats has helped me feel more in touch with tradition and has inspired me to make them a permanent thing in my home. My poor husband is so confused. Every year, I make new things and talk about how traditional they are, how important they are, even though I had never mentioned them before. Nevertheless, he supports me. I just pretend like they have been my traditions all along so I can keep implementing them.
DIY Decorations
If you can’t find Christmas decorations, get your crafting hat on and get ready for some DIY. I learned how to crochet a couple of summers ago and I have used this skill to crochet Christmas trees, Santa, and the Grinch, which all do a wonderful job of making it look like it is indeed Christmas time. Crocheting and knitting are such cozy hobbies and I think they go sooo well with the holiday season. If you are not interested in crochet, take a quick look on YouTube for some crafting tricks. Nowadays there are so many affordable Christmas decor hacks online like painting wine glasses, making your own garlands, and even using
household items like red napkins and paper cups to make cute little candy holders.
Ambience
Another must for me is Christmas Ambiance videos on YouTube. There are so many different videos that portray snowy, holiday cabins with fireplaces to European cafes leading out to beautifully decorated streets that bring the whole vibe right into your home. These videos have helped me so much because they make me feel that I can still experience the cute Christmas things even though I don’t have direct access to them. You can choose between morning or evening themes as well to make it feel more real, which I absolutely love. Throw on a little Christmas ambiance jazz video while you drink your morning coffee in your holiday socks and you’ll surely feel the holiday spirit.
Family & Friends
How do I make up for not having any family or friends around? Well, I do my best to send presents via Amazon to my family at home and Facetime has helped a lot when it comes to feeling like I’m a part of it. Other than that, my husband supports me and makes sure he doesn’t work on Christmas day so that we can spend the holiday together with some yummy food, a nice bottle of wine, and quality time. Having Christmas with him is enough for me for right now. Why don’t I have Christmas with his family? Well, as I said before, gift-giving is not a common thing and they do not really understand the consumerism of it all. Gifts are usually in the form of food like quality olive oil or nuts. It is also the type of culture that does not understand buying things simply for enjoyment, such as Christmas decorations. I have bought presents for them before, however, to my surprise, they thanked me and took the presents with them as they left. Apparently, it's not common to open presents in front of people either. Again, having Christmas with my husband is enough for me and I am happy that he supports me in it.
This year will be another year of charcuterie boards, pomegranate Aperol spritz, Michael Buble, and festive appetizers while we enjoy our intimate Christmas holiday.
The Big Question
So, as a final question, what do people here in Turkey think about Christmas? Does it bother them to see Christmas decor on my windows or upset them when I give them Christmas gifts? People here in Turkiye think that Christmas and New Years are the same thing and I have not seen any complaints about Christmas decor being sold in stores. I have actually found that people take an interest in it and there are Turks who put up their own Christmas trees, however, this is rare and only in richer areas. I have not been condemned or ridiculed for my traditions and they are usually very thankful when I give them gifts. Perhaps this is because I have adopted a lot of their culture and made an effort to partake in their way of life, so they are happy to support my culture as well. There is simply a sense of confusion about the purpose of gift-giving, holiday music, and decorating as they do not do these for their own major holidays. Basically, they don’t see the point and might ask me questions like why I need these things. But, they are happy to congratulate me on my holiday and wish me a Happy New Year. They are also open enough to ask questions, which is good enough for me.
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